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When God is Not Enough

January 27, 2013

There was a time when I was really searching. I had been a Christian for a long time, but had really backslidden. I was so lost. I remember crying out one night to God, saying that I wanted so desperately to turn to Him, but He just wasn’t enough. I believe that as soon as those words came out of my mouth things started to change.

I look back now and realize that what I really wanted from God was all His good blessings and none of the commitment that went with it. Along with that, I wanted to choose my own way and do my own thing. I wanted to control my life, but I wanted to be just enough of a Christian that I would make it into heaven. At that point I didn’t care if I lived in the little shanty on the wrong side of the tracks in heaven. Just getting in at that point was enough. I wanted my cake and to eat it, too.

What happened to change all that? I finally realized that while I was in control of my life, my life was a shambles. Everything was a mess, and I was a mess. I’d gotten what I wanted, which was to be in control. But it turns out I am a lousy manager.

After I had made this statement, things remained as they were for a while longer. It wasn’t until I finally hit bottom that I woke up. I realized that the life I’d been living was not what I wanted after all. It was filled with stress and anger and sadness and desperation. My life was a jumbled up mess of stress and frustration. I was alienating everyone around me, and destroying everything I had ever worked for.

It turned out in the end that “I” was not enough. When I finally surrendered to God I handed him a disaster of a life. And He took it with love. He filled me with a peace and a joy I never knew I could have. He showed me that living life His way was a million times better than living my way. Letting Him have control took away all the stress and frustration I had been trying to deal with before.

I now understand that God is more than enough. He is so much more than enough that we can’t even begin to appropriate all the blessings He has out there. It is as if there is a pile of treasure and we start loading up our pockets. But our pockets get full and we can’t hold anymore. But the pile is just a huge as it was before. And that pile is always waiting for us. Whenever we are ready, God has showers of blessings, of peace and love and comfort, safety, provision, righteousness, satisfaction, understanding, encouragement, enrichment, unity, faith, guidance, boldness, wisdom. The list could go on and on. He’ll handle all our true needs and will open our minds to knowing all that we need to know in order to grow closer to Him.

I have learned that growing closer to Him is the most important thing there ever will be. God is not a sugar daddy up in the sky who passes out candy to whoever asks for it. He looks past my “felt” needs for wealth or power, and takes care of the real ones, like salvation and healing. A sugar daddy will continue to pass out the candy. But soon you’ll have a tummy ache and cavities. The candy is what I thought I needed, and of course, God would never be enough for that. Everyday I would have a new list of “felt” needs. And when God did not fill them I would be dissatisfied. What God has done is open my eyes to the futility of the “felt” needs. He has shown me my true need, and then showed me that I can find help for my need only in Him.

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